Have you ever felt mentally destroyed? Destroyed so bad by the people, or person you thought would never, do it?

Well, I have, and continuously.

People believe that while physical abuse can be seen, it outweighs the mental tolerance that some people experience. I am here to tell you that is not true!

That physical pain one experiences will eventually ease and the bruising fades, but that mental abuse stays, it haunts, and it hurts forever! Cutting those scars so far down, feels that the only way to escape them is death.

You lock yourself away in a world of misery; a place you’ve never felt more alone, but you are there with the reminders, and the demons that just for some reason, won’t allow you to escape.

It all started the day I met him. A forbidden friendship that would lead me down my path to misery. Over time, he would become my confidant, my safe haven from a world full of craziness.

We listened to each other’s hopes, dreams, life experiences and formed a bond so close that for one, would turn into something more special, something more meaningful, something more beautiful and something yet tragically toxic.

How, you may ask. Not everything you see in life is real. Your eyes are not the only objects of vision that allow you to see things. Those eyes will deceive you almost every time. Not everyone in this world is blind, but most everyone doesn’t have the ability to see.

When was the last time you opened your heart? I am not talking about surgery of any kind, I am talking about allowing a person to go so deep inside, that the thought of them leaving, even for a brief second, could rip an entire universe so big, and so far down in your chest that your ability to live for that short duration feels like death? Has it ever scared you so badly that the thought of that person not being there turns into a physical pain and less mental?

For me, it has.

The pain you feel is so intense that without it, you don’t feel aliveness. That with that pain, no matter how extreme it is, let’s you know that you still breathe.

It’s a welcomed pain, a pain so desirable that you allow it to continue, just to keep the person close, because you know what it will feel like if you let go. Thus, being your toxic trait.

And the scary part of all this is, they never understand what it is, they are really doing to you and if they say they do, then they just don’t care.

Has it ever led you to distance yourself from your closest friends and family, because they wouldn’t understand what you’re going through?

Yep, that’s me.

Truth is, it’s so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.  It basically comes down to the last person you think of at night, because that is where your heart is. So, what happens to you, when you finally realize that you were never where their heart was to begin with?

Do you let go?  I will tell you, from me; that sometimes the only reason why you won’t let go of what’s making you sad is that it was the only thing that was making you happy.

How do you let go?

I will never say that I wished I never met you, and I will never regret you, because at a certain point in life, you were everything I needed.  We grew together, even though we grew apart. So, for that, I say thank you, because sometimes the one you would take a bullet for, ends up being the one holding the gun.

The hardest thing I’ll ever do is walk away, while still loving you.

 

Love you always D!

Good-Bye