Have you ever just felt like running away from life?  I mean just waking up one morning, and escaping the world you live in for some off the wall chance at a better life in the fantasy world?  Ya?  Well, that’s how I woke up this morning.  You see, in my fantasy world, Damon and I would be together, happy with our little family without a care in the world.

Life would be fantastic, I wouldn’t have to try to avoid my father for the sakes of being happy with the love of my life, I wouldn’t have to worry about my mother, snapping out in some demon fit rage every time someone got close to me, and by now, Colton would be married and I would probably have a sister in law with a few more nieces and nephews;  Spawn needs someone to look after. Our fantasies may differ from each other’s, but I’m sure yours is just as happy. 

Today is Monday, the day of the solar eclipse, I called Damon earlier; we really have not had the chance to sit alone and talk since everything blew up a few weeks ago.  I asked him to come over; Ya, I’m still at the parent’s place.  I haven’t been able to go back inside that apartment of mine since that night.  Colton brought me Kita’s things, my clothes and necessities and he and Lily have been trying to fix the place back up.  I think it would make a nice place for her and Sammy.  I think Colton would appreciate it more if they were closer.  Despite my brother’s stubbornness, and the love we all know he will forever have for Sasha, I can see how much he cares, or dare I say loves, Lily.

She reminds me of Sasha in a way; the way she looks at Colton, it’s uncanny to the way mom looks at dad; you don’t see that type of love very often.  Lily worships the ground Colton walks on as did Sasha.  I once felt that type of love; now, I don’t know what I feel anymore.  I don’t even know if I can feel anymore. Something more than our child, died inside me that night, 5 years ago.   In a perfect world, I could love Damon again; now, I’m just struggling to love myself.

The talk I had with mom; the day of her anniversary was wild.  I never really thought about either of my parents having anyone else in their lives except each other.  The way they look and act with each other, you would assume they had always been together.  That’s the kind of love I can only imagine having.  Perhaps one day.

I owed it to mom though, to give this a chance with Damon.  She doesn’t want me to be stuck in the “what ifs” in life.  She pursued her dream guy, and even though it did not work out for her, it led her to my dad, and to be totally biased, I think she did good. 

Well, it’s getting close to that time, and I need to fix the back of Dad’s truck.  I hope mom can distract Dad for a while so that it’s not a huge cluster fuck when he sees Damon.  Hell, who am I kidding, Mom not being able to distract Dad for a while, would be like bringing ice water into hell and telling them not to fight over it.  It’s just not going to happen.

It’s Eclipse time.