It was just another day at the office for me; Kita was resting in the lounge area of my back office.  Mom had stopped by to meet up with a potential client and was in the gym working out as always; me, I had my earbuds in listening to music, trying to get myself out of the funk I had seemed to be in ever since the interview several days back.

 

The lyrics pounding in my ear seemed to be a welcoming tune as I listened to her playlist.  Ever since that God awful night, I couldn't stop thinking about her.  What was going through her mind that night, why was she so angry? 

 

I never really remember much when she's around, but the awful pit inside my gut always seems to linger days after she's gone.  My family seems to always look at me like they don't know me sometimes, and I can hear all the whispers they say about her when they don't think I am around.  Colton and I used to be close, he was always the "Big Brother" my father shaped him to be.  Now, he can barely look at me.  Mom has been acting weirder than usual, always cautious to what she says when I step into the room.  Even now, as I see her on the elliptical, she glares over at me, cautious of what I am doing. 

 

I'm beginning to wonder if she even recognizes me, as I was told things got a little heated between us the other night.  And then there is Dad, the one person in the world, I could never disappoint, looks at me now with such sad eyes; It's almost as if he lost his best friend, but I promise you Daddy, I am still here!

 

Her playlist continued, and It's crazy how she is so angry!  Wasn't long that I finished the song and was eager to listen to what was next but several seconds had past and the music had stopped and there seemed to be a recording in the background; it was faint, but I could hear her speaking.

 

 "Dear Cassie, I am sorry. I am so sorry you tried so desperately to fix others when your own hands were shaking. I am so sorry I didn't give you time to heal. That I let you seal the wounds of everyone else while you lay bleeding. I’m sorry there were days when smiling hurt, but you forced yourself to laugh so no one would worry about you. I am sorry that you gave all your time and effort to people who didn't give the same amount back. I am sorry there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep, and no one bothered to understand why. I am so very sorry that I cannot love you like you deserve to be loved but This time, I promise, I will make all your demons disappear. Always yours, Vanity"

 

I could do nothing but drop to my knees; the extent of sorrow in her words, the heartache it brought, her regrets, her promise, her undeniable love.  

 

"Are you alright?"  Mother rushed over to help me to my feet. 

 

"Yes, I am fine.." I replied while brushing off my knees.

 

"Look..I am sorry Mo..."

 

She wouldn't even let me finish speaking before she took her hand up to my mouth and gently pressed her index finger to my lip.

 

"Shhh...don't you ever apologize for your actions, Cass, your father and I raised you better than that." 

 

And she was telling the truth, the one thing I remember growing up was the fact that Hursts do not apologize.  If we done something to someone, then somehow, somewhere they deserved that shit, so we just move forward.

 

I do believe that was actually the first time in many years, Mom genuinely felt bad for something.  Perhaps it took Vanity to bring it out of her, but Mom seemed more maternal these past few days than I had seen in long a while.  While she would kill anyone who dared to harm a hair on anyone in her family's head. 

Still, it seemed weird.